Getting Along with One Another
Thoughts on Romans 14:13; Ephesians 4:2; Ephesians 4:32
Twenty years ago, someone gave me a book by John Ortberg titled: “Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them.” My favorite chapter was one in which John coined a phrase, The Porcupine Dilemma.
We know that wolves run in packs, sheep huddle in flocks, elephants gather in herds—but there is no official word in the English language for a group of porcupines. Porcupines travel alone. They’ve got approximately 30,000 reasons for it, each one a sharp little quill. Their strategies are simple: climb a tree or stick something.
People, sadly, aren’t that different. We don’t have quills, but we’ve got sarcasm, criticism, grudges, the silent treatment, and the cold shoulder. We too know how to withdraw. We too know how to attack. Which leaves us with a question: how do you get close without getting hurt?
The short answer is—you don’t. Hurt, disappointment, and disagreement are inevitable in human relationships, even among Christians. The good news? Unlike porcupines, we’re not designed to live alone. We’re part of a body. And God gives us another way.
In God’s family, we don’t have to withdraw or wound. We can choose to love.
That’s the heartbeat of the “one another” passages in the New Testament. And three of them are especially helpful when relationships get messy: under the title Getting Along with One Another.
When We Disagree: Stop Judging
In Romans 14, Paul tackles a church fight about food. Some believers (mostly Jewish background) refused to eat meat that might be unclean or connected to idol worship. Others (mostly Gentile-background) said, “Pass the ham.”
Paul doesn’t demand everyone agree. He allows freedom. But he says this: “Let us stop passing judgment on one another” (v. 13).
The problem isn’t that we disagree—it’s judgment. Judging sorts people into categories: right or wrong, in or out, good Christian or bad Christian. Paul says: Stop it. Cut it out.
We still have our disputable matters today: worship styles, Bible translations, how we sort out the End Times, parenting methods. It’s fine to disagree. But when we start judging, relationships unravel.
Paul is telling us to ~ go for the relationship, not the win.
Winning the argument isn’t the point. Loving each other (the relationship) is.
When We Disappoint: Bear With
Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
To “bear with” means to put up with, to make allowance for weakness. Because people will let you down.
People rarely do things out of malice. They do them out of “humanity.”
People are limited, distracted, tired, flawed. And so are we.
Sometimes the healthiest move in a relationship is to lighten up.
Lighten up. It’s weakness, not wickedness.
This does not mean tolerating abuse. It does not mean ignoring sin. But it does mean holding back judgment and giving others space to be human.
As one wise counselor said: imagine your disappointing parent in a wheelchair. If they couldn’t physically do what you hoped, you’d adjust. You’d understand. In truth, everyone carries invisible wounds—emotional, spiritual, relational. Bearing with one another means adjusting our expectations and offering grace.
When We’re Hurt: Forgive
Sometimes the issue isn’t disagreement or disappointment. Sometimes it’s betrayal, lies, gossip, abandonment—the deep wounds. What then?
Ephesians 4:32 says: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Forgiveness is not pretending it didn’t happen. It isn’t saying, “It’s fine.” It isn’t letting the offender continue unchecked. Forgiveness means acknowledging the hurt and then choosing to release the one who hurt you from the debt.
Forgiveness isn’t saying it didn’t happen. Forgiveness is saying you don’t owe me anymore. ‘m closing the books. I won’t be collecting on the debt.
That is not easy. Sometimes forgiveness comes slowly, in installments. Sometimes it takes help from a counselor or a lot of prayer. But the alternative is bitterness—and bitterness is like trying to smother a porcupine. Nobody wins.
At the Last Supper, Jesus looked around the table at a betrayer, a denier, and ten deserters. And He still said, “I have eagerly desired to share this meal with you.” If He could forgive them, He can empower us to forgive one another.
So how do we get along with one another?
Because that is how God treats us. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He didn’t judge us into the kingdom, He welcomed us. He bears with us daily in our weakness. He forgives us again and again.
And every time we choose love over winning, patience over irritation, forgiveness over revenge—we remind ourselves, and the watching world, what Jesus is like.
We are not porcupines. We are people transformed by grace.
Twenty years ago, someone gave me a book by John Ortberg titled: “Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them.” My favorite chapter was one in which John coined a phrase, The Porcupine Dilemma.
We know that wolves run in packs, sheep huddle in flocks, elephants gather in herds—but there is no official word in the English language for a group of porcupines. Porcupines travel alone. They’ve got approximately 30,000 reasons for it, each one a sharp little quill. Their strategies are simple: climb a tree or stick something.
People, sadly, aren’t that different. We don’t have quills, but we’ve got sarcasm, criticism, grudges, the silent treatment, and the cold shoulder. We too know how to withdraw. We too know how to attack. Which leaves us with a question: how do you get close without getting hurt?
The short answer is—you don’t. Hurt, disappointment, and disagreement are inevitable in human relationships, even among Christians. The good news? Unlike porcupines, we’re not designed to live alone. We’re part of a body. And God gives us another way.
In God’s family, we don’t have to withdraw or wound. We can choose to love.
That’s the heartbeat of the “one another” passages in the New Testament. And three of them are especially helpful when relationships get messy: under the title Getting Along with One Another.
When We Disagree: Stop Judging
In Romans 14, Paul tackles a church fight about food. Some believers (mostly Jewish background) refused to eat meat that might be unclean or connected to idol worship. Others (mostly Gentile-background) said, “Pass the ham.”
Paul doesn’t demand everyone agree. He allows freedom. But he says this: “Let us stop passing judgment on one another” (v. 13).
The problem isn’t that we disagree—it’s judgment. Judging sorts people into categories: right or wrong, in or out, good Christian or bad Christian. Paul says: Stop it. Cut it out.
We still have our disputable matters today: worship styles, Bible translations, how we sort out the End Times, parenting methods. It’s fine to disagree. But when we start judging, relationships unravel.
Paul is telling us to ~ go for the relationship, not the win.
Winning the argument isn’t the point. Loving each other (the relationship) is.
When We Disappoint: Bear With
Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
To “bear with” means to put up with, to make allowance for weakness. Because people will let you down.
- The friend who doesn’t show up when you needed them.
- The father who never said the words you longed to hear.
- The church service that didn’t lift your spirits.
People rarely do things out of malice. They do them out of “humanity.”
People are limited, distracted, tired, flawed. And so are we.
Sometimes the healthiest move in a relationship is to lighten up.
Lighten up. It’s weakness, not wickedness.
This does not mean tolerating abuse. It does not mean ignoring sin. But it does mean holding back judgment and giving others space to be human.
As one wise counselor said: imagine your disappointing parent in a wheelchair. If they couldn’t physically do what you hoped, you’d adjust. You’d understand. In truth, everyone carries invisible wounds—emotional, spiritual, relational. Bearing with one another means adjusting our expectations and offering grace.
When We’re Hurt: Forgive
Sometimes the issue isn’t disagreement or disappointment. Sometimes it’s betrayal, lies, gossip, abandonment—the deep wounds. What then?
Ephesians 4:32 says: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Forgiveness is not pretending it didn’t happen. It isn’t saying, “It’s fine.” It isn’t letting the offender continue unchecked. Forgiveness means acknowledging the hurt and then choosing to release the one who hurt you from the debt.
Forgiveness isn’t saying it didn’t happen. Forgiveness is saying you don’t owe me anymore. ‘m closing the books. I won’t be collecting on the debt.
That is not easy. Sometimes forgiveness comes slowly, in installments. Sometimes it takes help from a counselor or a lot of prayer. But the alternative is bitterness—and bitterness is like trying to smother a porcupine. Nobody wins.
At the Last Supper, Jesus looked around the table at a betrayer, a denier, and ten deserters. And He still said, “I have eagerly desired to share this meal with you.” If He could forgive them, He can empower us to forgive one another.
So how do we get along with one another?
- Stop judging when we disagree.
- Bear with when we disappoint.
- Forgive when we’re hurt.
Because that is how God treats us. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He didn’t judge us into the kingdom, He welcomed us. He bears with us daily in our weakness. He forgives us again and again.
And every time we choose love over winning, patience over irritation, forgiveness over revenge—we remind ourselves, and the watching world, what Jesus is like.
We are not porcupines. We are people transformed by grace.
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